read and find out

"I miss the days of 'no worries'. Why do we end up with people we clearly love more than they love us? Why do they give us reason to be sad? What am I doing wrong? I'm tired of feeling less than I should. I'm tired of feeling like I'm anything less of what he wants. I don't want to finally convince myself that I don't trust him even if I think I do. I'm happy the way I am...giving all of me and going out of my way for him. Don't change me.


So I've decided to love him still...regardless of whatever. A look at me before is my angel of happiness giving me every reason to smile and live life to the fullest. I may not be doing the fullest part but I'm smiling and that's enough for me. For as long as this lasts I shall love him unconditionally."


All that's a thought....and I snap back to reality, think again for a moment...FUCK LOVE.

him

So we got talkin..I knew he was it for me..kinda like this sure feelin..not like I was already talking marriage and tings.lol..more like me making him happy d same way he was already making me happy..I thought he was thinkin that way too..for a short while tho..after meeting me I guess I was less than he expectd while he was more than I expected.u like someone..they don't feel the same way..what do u do?hang on and hope someday they'll come around?usually not used to rejection so I'm taking this hard.I now know how guys feel when we babes turn 'em down..facked up mehn,lol.hopefully this feeling will go away soon.I fell hard.not for the reasons tho..not like materialistic stuff..he was just fun and interesting and seemed pretty determined and we had loads in common but the most important thing we shared in common...music. We got outta relationships about the same time so we kinda both in the healing stage..but still...I'm hurt.

Danger

I need help urgently...im becoming emotionally dead!!

ive probably been so used to being on my own that no one really matters..well..except for the guy i still consider as my baby(sad abi?) anyways lets call him Dj. we were together for like ages before we took a break...probably had some people distracting me but well..it didn't erase him off my mind and heart(p.s im not this slushy!) anyways after everthing im exhausted!! I know i'l like to have someone i could do midnight call with and also daytime calls o!lol...like Julian said ...''don't assume love o..let him call you at 10pm when its not free..peak period first then you can start''lol..but Dj used to..im emphasisng on used to..call me a lot..whenever..wherever...good times..moving on now
Met a couple of people now..nothing spectacular..i cant stand a lot of 'em now..pervs! The likes of Mr.T, CR,Haynes and introducing to the pack Nerd,Weirdo and Mr. Submissive.
I've said a bit bout a few of them..lemme focus on Weirdo.See me see trouble o! i somehow started talking to this person even when we had never met..facebook na winch!shasha..when i found out he knew my cousin really well i was more friendly. then he found out i was gonna be at the cinema the next day and showed up for the formal intro cuz his office was close by and everything..didnt leave my friends to chill with him tho but clearly the ode had already started falling in love..he sha tagged along following me evrywhere thinking i'd detatch myself from them and chill alone with him..btw it was my friends bday that day..there we were..jerseys and skinny jeans and there he was kacking up in suit with people that were bout 8yrs younger than him..paedophile! He sha left after we refused to enter his ride..he wanted to give us a lift but i wasnt interested..i'd rather tuski i told him..he thought i was joking..well i wasnt!..
Somehow he managed to make me feel bad and i agreed to have lunch with him before he left for ghana for the weekend..next thing i know he's giving me some bullcrap story bout forgeting his suitcase at home..imlike,''ehn..go and get it..il be chilling here''...he doesnt like that..he feels its a bit sketchy and wont want to leave me there cause it might take a bit..so he's like lets go pick it up..then we'll have lunch in lekki...(we were at v.i at that point)..so i get in and find myself almost leaving lagos..'ahn ahn?!!where are we going??...' he says to pick up his suitcase..then his estate is somewhere near alpha beach.. we got take away so i was eating in the car..he insists i come inside..i do..then i meet his cousin who by the way is uber-cute!!lol..lets call him Jyde and that one keeps throwing compliments my way while his cousin Weirdo looks like he's about to bring out a dagger from his pocket to castrate Jyde!So Jyde and i engage in some intelligent conversation then Weirdo make Jyde dissapear then he tries endlessly to turn me on..well i think that was the purpose of all the silly things he was saying and doing. next thing he goes int a room and comes out like he didnt 'know' he was now stark naked..na side view i take see am..i didnt even look fully..in my mind i was already trying to visualize what i'd do with the fork i was holding.He was now "subconciously' mooning me!!!WTF!!!get your hairy ass away! sha i still didnt look!!na side eye o!! when he saw that his efforts were going 'unnoticed' he decided to do something about it. he comes with his hairy ass..and tries to sit on my laps!!i scream!i told him that she shouldnt fucking get close to me..he said ther's nothing there now just come and help me bath ive forgotten how to.(dense idiot).im looking at the floor and really pissed now!..''i repeat..dont fucking get close to me...get the fuck away from me!''..he leaves..comes back dressed..his cousin tries to rescue the situation..he tried small sha..then we get into the car..woulda stormed out when all that was happening but..being in the middle of nowhere my efforts woulda been a bit outta place..i di need his help getting out of that beach.lol.Im silent all through the ride down to my office..all this one happened during lunch break..i work on the mainland so u can imagine the kind waka i did. he asks for a kiss..NO...okay peck..NO...okay just be nice to me gidi babe.i say...''u know you are foward...i dont know you dude..i just agreed to have lunch with you cuz i felt i was rude the other day and you start imagining stupid things tryna lure me to your house so that what will now happen?ill shag you abi? he looks sad...he definitely has a differnet approach to things..im not bothered..i storm out of his car and that was the last of him....3 months and counting. thinking back sha it coulda been worse..what if he was the violent weird type..not just weird and he tried to rape me??hmm..gidi babe has seen things o

Long night

Ehen..so gidi babe in the house...chillin mehn..bored like mad. at work and i jus got caught..i lied bout my salary to my dad thinking he'll up my allowance but instead he spoke to the MD protesting then he was showed the slip that i was paid x2 of what i said they gave me...as a sharp babe mehn i came up with one lie...and like play like play i was my daddy's baby again *wink*..but before the thingy happened i was sitting on my desk thinking...and i remembered last night when CR called me up to querry me for not calling him(which by the way i cannot stand) then i say sorry like 500times then he says where are you...abeg o this was like 11pm for night see me see trouble..im like my cousins house and he shows up...an hour later..i almost swore for him cause i was enjoying that sleep..i sha came out after minutes of alaba searching endlessly for the house key..came out and he was with his friend..said hello..his friend excused himself..we got in the car and started gisting..i like CR cuz he doesnt push mehn..he'll stay with you for a whole day alone in very tempting situations but will not lay a finger if the babe is not willing even though it just might kill his rep of being a sure boi..and no i haven't been 'willing' all the times we hung out!..but this particular night..he was a bit tipsy i guess..but in control of his actions.we sha talked then he said he wanted me to be his present...i dont get...english abeg and then he says you know how a present is wrapped..my clothes should be the wrapping and i guess my body the present?..duh!Ode!!!ashewo boy don strike!i knew it!!he was too good to be true!!i gave him this gist bout one guy that i had something with..lets call him Mr.T. i love 9ja yea but it is too fucking small!!!every 1 knows every1 as long as you are popular..annoying..we cant date decent guys again because they are our ex's paddies.Sha they know theselves somehow. after dulling CR for almost one hour with ordinary kiss he was asking for i finally told him to close his eyes and i gave him a peck on the cheek and then he froze..looked at me then said tell me you are joking..gave him another peck..on the lips and he says 'my gawd'..im sure he's used to getting it without the babe being long...i was on a long tiiinnnnnngg! eventually he just said omo mehn..now you(me) wait and he gave me one kiss like that..as in!!im my mind i knew twas gonna be like that..he's lips are fine so...all expectations met. but i still think he's a good guy sha..he dint touch me..just kissed.most guys wudda explored every inch of my skin. then he started counting..he said i give u till the count of three if you are leaving my car leave now or else you are looking for trouble..na so..i sat down there..oya..do your worst..1...you are counting abi..2..mscheew...3!another french and some hugs later i was back in my room wondering what just happened and he sends a text saying i meant a lot...i blush..gidi babe is now single o so no sheleh..wonder if i had let him..hmm..my gist will be a google-able as a certain *cough cough* a disgraced gidi babe...

later mehn

me and my big mouth!!!

so i wrote my first 'story' yesterday...i'm not exactly a writer but well..i try.lol

i like to feel like i live a private life..even though most people can practically write a book on me...i guess sometimes i hav a habit of saying things i shouldn't. Like the time i randomly told my friend a mutual friend of ours 'sexcapades'...needless to say i was left begging..he found the stories hilarious and it was so bloody obvious he wouldn't have been able to keep it to himself. I was basically feeling like someone who could dish out dirt on just bout anyone...sad i know. 

well my story this time...well i think he cheated on me. im not gonna go into details bou how i found out but i just know he did. Felt lyk i was sinking when i found out. Its long distance so its kinda expected but still! Talked to my friend bout it and he gave me countless rational explanations 2 my discovery basically he tried 2 calm me down telling me stuff that made me feel better.all this happened hours after i'd called 'baby' just to find out if i'd hear the guilt in his voice but didn't hear  it. he sounded so normal so im thinking to myself;wtf?

oh well...just incase someone feels the need to broadcast bout my perfect relationship...lol

Today

ok so i wake up....late..takes a while for me to brush my teeth...n when i say while im talking bout hours even tho im going about my biz. got a few calls and texts....the most interesting one was from a guy...il call him Haynes...we kinda had something really brief and then i try my best to avoid him just because he was 'loving up' and then weeks later from our little spontaneous 'adventure' my friend calls me up and goes(and i quote)"Haynes jus told me he likes me and that we should hook up and that he doesn't care if i've got a boyfriend"..(who by the way is also his friend)..twisted yea? What a man-whore...just when i was starting to feel bad for pushing him away when he was 'loving up'..he makes a move...on my friend???wtf!thats the problem..when a group of guys make friends with a group of the same girls...they end up 'rotating' themselves but obviously the guys are favoured and we are left looking like sluts!and she didn't know we(haynes and i) had hooked up so to her she was just updating me on her boy status.
anyways back to today's happenings. i text him after a long silence saying i wasn't happy bout what i saw on my friend's phone,(i lied that i went through her messages and saw his very sad attempt to seduce her into sleeping with her..couldn't tell him she told me..that would be snitching..and yes they were text chatting when he was feeding her with bullocks and no i didn't see the messages, im telling the truth about lying.lol)
He replies 3 times.
the first saying 'ok' and i second that with a loud bastard!
the next was, 'i dont understand you'...i reply saying 'me too'
lastly he says something bout meeting her first even though nothing ever happened between them. Twas a really sad excuse so i didn't bother replying.
Oh well...still havn't told her bout me and him...she should be able to put one and one together and get two...the answer.
I never feel used though..i like to feel hardened.probably because of the silly situations ive been in.
Experience is the best teacher...Guess ive learnt a bit...